“I should warn you,” said the woman taking her place in seat seven, “I’m a bit psychic”.
I looked at Nick who did that thing you do with mates where you roll your eyes at each other without actually moving your eyes just in case the subject of your rollage catches you (she was a big girl, and neither of us were brave enough to risk being seen disputing her magical powers – you know, just in case she put a voodoo hex on us or something).
“Oh. Really?” Nick ventured, “What star sign am I?”
Kim (for t’was her name) stared at Nick for several seconds (no doubt tuning into his aura, or some other bollocks) and then announced: “Cancer”
“Nope” Nick replied (probably as relieved as I was that she’d got it wrong) at which point Kim span round to me (almost catching me rolling my eyes – phew!) and asked, “Are you… a Gemini?” I stared at her blankly, accidentally encouraging another attempt: “Libra?”
“Sadly neither,” I told her, “But do keep trying. I’m sure you’ll get there eventually.”
Luckily Kim didn’t have time to magically guess her way around the rest of the zodiac as we were dealt the first hand of the charity tournament we were at The Empire to play. I was chuffed to see QQ but was in reasonably early position so made it 225 from the 25/50 blinds. I know it kinda gives away that I like my hand but not enough to go nine-ways to the flop, but considering I was sitting with a psychic and three people asking if a flush was better than a yahtzee I thought I’d give it a whirl.
Kim called, and then Nick went all-in. Now Nick is a far superior poker player to me, but even I knew immediately it was AA or KK. With a tear in my eye I released my queens back into the sea, but Kim (and let’s not forget she has ‘The Gift’) called, turning over that power-house of all-in calling hands: A-10o.
Nick looked absolutely chuffed to bits when the ace arrived on the board, and even happier when she pumped her fat little fist into his personal space with a massive “YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”
Now I know that it’s EXACTLY this sort of over-celebration that gives Nick a warm feeling deep inside, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so happy to give all his chips to a mental woman after only one hand. Nick gave me a look similar in many ways to the rolling-your-eyes-without-rolling-your-eyes one, only this one said, ‘you get the spades, I’ll kill her’.
Nick immediately went for a re-buy (he is so generous when it comes to kids’ charities!) while Kim assured us all that she “knew” the A-10o would win. I wouldn’t say that Nick was steaming, but some local gypsies did hang their carpets over him to give them a good clean.
Pay-back was clearly quite high on Nick’s agenda (just under drinking the open bar dry and consuming his body weight in free deserts) and sure enough he somehow managed to side-step the mystical powers of Kim and get her to double him up with AJ against his AK. Even in defeat Kim couldn’t help herself. “I knew he had me beat”. Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure.
Strangely Kim didn’t manage to utilise her awesome powers to make a comeback, and shortly thereafter shuffled off no doubt to see if her ‘Gift’ stretched to guessing what numbers the roulette table would deliver. I managed to maintain the habit of a lifetime and bust out of the tourney with 88 like the clown I am, while Nick eventually fell foul to a bloke who constantly asked what the blinds were, how many chips did everyone have left, and “what is it to me?” Believe it or not, he was the gimp who won the bloody thing. God I hate poker.
Anyway, the evening got MUCH better for us as we headed off to a local ‘club’… but it’s not that kind of blog, so you’ll have to imagine the rest (and don’t forget to imagine LOTS of glitter and some really good high-heeled shoes while you’re at it).